My Adventures in Cancerland

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on May 05, 2006

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I think I can make it ...
©2006 Annelise Pichardo

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Alp Beck12:33 PM
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The Truth About Hair Loss

You know, it’s funny. Since I’ve become “Hair-free” (my term) I’ve had time to reflect on the process of losing my hair. No one tells you how you will lose your hair on Chemo, but everyone warns you that you will. Everyone . Former cancer patients mutter in ominous tones, “You will lose your hair. I just want to warn you...” Doctors and nurses say, “There is a chance that you will lose your hair...” Some who did, really feel the loss, with a pang that is palpable. Their eyes signal a sadness that goes beyond the physical. This is strange to me, since I know, yes – know – that it will grow back. This sense of loss, seems to be rooted in something deeper. For women, it might represent a loss of their femininity, or maybe a confirmation of the fact they are indeed, ill – something I was well aware of. For me, fear wasn’t an issue. I was kinda looking forward to losing my hair, since I’d always wondered what I’d look like bald. My only trepidation was that I might have a Ms. Potat...

The Big Bald

“Let’s just do it.” I said. “You sure?” Barbara asked, electric trimmer in hand. “Yeah. No point delaying the inevitable.” I sat on a chair in the middle of the kitchen wearing a large trash bag for protection. What can I say? It was a look. This was the best room for sweeping up hair, since the floor had ceramic tiles. Even though I had no qualms regarding what we were about to do, I was oddly anxious. These were uncharted waters: now my cancer would be externally visible. I steeled myself. “Go for it.” I held a mirror in my hand. I wanted to see the transformation. My astrological sign is Leo. Leos are proud of their hair. Our manes declare our confidence and standing – in our own minds. But now I was about to become maneless. How would I feel? I was annoyed at myself for being preoccupied with something so superficial; so trivial. My anxiety mounted. Barbara started from the back of my head to the front. I watched mutely as locks of my hair fell and sections of my scalp became visib...

What's Next?

I'm starting a new chemo regiment this Tuesday. I'm a little nervous about the side effects. I've had the current chemo for three months and this next one will go for another three months. After that I get a mastectomy and another nine months of maintenance/light chemo. I've been laughing a lot lately because, as a horror writer, this strikes me as particularly amusing. I'm referring to the side effects of all the various medication I'm on. I will describe them, but don't feel bad, because it's not as horrible as it sounds. So far, the side effects have included, but are not limited to: occasional mouth sores, fever blisters, alopecia (hence the baldness). Half of my left eyebrow has decided to split town. (I fill in the missing brow with brow pencil, praying I don’t end up looking like Gloria Swanson in Sunset Boulevard ) My lower eyelashes -- left side only, as well -- have left with the eyebrow. The rest of the eyelashes are taking a wait-and-s...

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