What's Next?

I'm starting a new chemo regiment this Tuesday. I'm a little nervous about the side effects. I've had the current chemo for three months and this next one will go for another three months. After that I get a mastectomy and another nine months of maintenance/light chemo.
I've been laughing a lot lately because, as a horror writer, this strikes me as particularly amusing. I'm referring to the side effects of all the various medication I'm on. I will describe them, but don't feel bad, because it's not as horrible as it sounds.

So far, the side effects have included, but are not limited to: occasional mouth sores, fever blisters, alopecia (hence the baldness). Half of my left eyebrow has decided to split town. (I fill in the missing brow with brow pencil, praying I don’t end up looking like Gloria Swanson in Sunset Boulevard) My lower eyelashes -- left side only, as well -- have left with the eyebrow. The rest of the eyelashes are taking a wait-and-see attitude, wondering if the better life promised them is really worth leaving their loved ones behind. I have scars on both breast (2 lumpectomies) a two-inch scar, and lump, below the collarbone, where they inserted a port (catheter) so they can plug the chemo right in. I have ‘chemo brain’, an odd phenomena that affects my memory - mostly my short-term memory, so I spend a lot of time saying, "Huh?" Also, lets not forget those favorite standards: nausea, bone pain and general soreness and tiredness. Oh, and since the chemo has started to fry my ovaries, I have multiple (now, watch it, you dirty-minded people out there) hot flashes. This lovely phenomena leaves me covered in sweat, looking as if I’ve just had a run-in with Columbo after stashing the maid’s body under the stairs.

For the second half of the program I can expect any of the following: neuropathy of both arms (numbness of the hands and fingers), tingling in both arms, extreme fatigue, “moonface” (from the steroids), an oddity where my face swells up to resemble the moon – not too difficult, considering my bald, hairless head – continued nausea, bone pain and my nails will turn black.

When I think of the above, this scene pops into my mind:
A tired, bald woman, with an oddly circular face, sans eyebrows or lashes, drags herself across the street, stooping – because her bones hurt – She repeatedly drops the map she’s carrying, (neuropathy, remember?) She has a problem speaking (mouth sores) and when she does manage to croak out some words, she forgets what she is saying and who she is saying it to (chemo brain). She reaches up to scratch her nose, but doesn't realize that she's already doing that, 'cause she can't feel it, so she pokes her eye instead. That action brings her hands in focus to a local passerby, who recoils in horror due to her black nails.

So she never gets to ask the question that she's wanted to all day: "Does anyone know the way to the Bell Tower?"

©2006 Annelise Pichardo

Coming Up Next: The Meg Ryan Incident